The Number One Rule

The number one rule of my job: don't die. 

That rule just got a whole lot harder for me to follow after completing a scaffolding safety class last Wednesday evening. I'm using the word "safety" lightly here because the course was a disaster. The instructor was just terrible. He rushed through the material and erratically bounced around the topics so that you couldn't follow a thing he said. He also wasn't the brightest bulb - he couldn't multiply 1.5 x 3 (he thought it was 7) and clearly did not know how to use Google. I'm not sure I want to entrust my safety education in the hands of someone like that...

Anyway, I put my safety certification to use the very next day. I was asked to perform some asbestos sampling on the exterior facade of a building. By exterior facade, I mean that we took the elevator to the twelfth floor where the building tapered off for the top four floors. A small perimeter of rooftop space surrounded the smalled-down portion of the building in which scaffolding had been erected all the way to the roof. Walking up four flights of scaffolding is certainly a different experience than learning about it. I'm not really afraid of heights, but I am afraid of tripping and tumbling down four flights of steep, metal stairs. Oy vey. Scary stuff! Nevertheless, I held my head up high and acted like I did this on the reg. *snap snap snap!* #LeanIn #BreakingThatGlassCeiling #GurlPower

Yup, I stood on the top of this structure

Here is a view of the side of the building from the top of the scaffolding

Andddd here's another view out towards the street. Number two rule: don't look down!

Hey mom, so what do you think of my new certification??

Ready for Anything

If only my tool set looked more like this

Last month I became a New York State certified asbestos inspector. Exciting stuff, right? Well let me tell you something even more exciting; on Friday I became the proud owner of my own personal set of asbestos sampling tools. With the help of Big D, I went on a bit of a shopping spree at the hardware store. The last thing on my list is a new backpack in which to carry all of this. I wanted to get something super cute and/or douchey, but Big D told me I should always buy the cheapest, ugliest stuff because "everything you just bought will eventually be stolen or lost without a doubt". Hmph, just let anyone try to steal from me. I kickbox and will take on anyone! (...said the girl who can barely do a set of push ups...). Then again, I have a shorter attention span than a goldfish, so I probably will lose everything within five minutes.

Regardless, watch out world! Here comes Mold (and Asbestos!) Girl wielding a box cutter and hammer! Seriously though, watch out.

Thanks for Sharing

L O EFFING L YOU GUYS. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

I spent the day out and about town running errands and working (at my other non-mold related side gig). While waiting for an appointment, I casually perused a copy of Entertainment Weekly when I spotted a movie review for something with Mark Ruffalo and Gwyneth Paltrow. A light bulb went off in the back of my brain. A faint memory came back to me from when I had first started working at my company (I once referenced it here as well). One day my boss, a calculating, shyster kind of guy, announced to the office, "Uhh yeah, so today a few movie people will be in the office to take some pictures. They're doing background research for a film about an environmental consulting firm starring Mark Ruffalo and Gwyneth Paltrow."

Proof that environmental consultants are the sexiest sort of people

 After this announcement everyone in the office shared confused glances silently asking, is this guy for real?? You know what, apparently he was! So the movie isn't specifically about an environmental consulting firm, but Mark Ruffalo plays an environmental consultant! Close enough, right? The movie is actually about sex addicts... Hmmm, maybe the movie people were also doing research for that aspect of the film when they came to observe our office... Interesting, that would actually explain a lot...

Anyway, even though the movie was totally panned in reviews, I must watch Thanks for Sharing to see how much I personally inspired the direction of the film. ;) Seriously, not to brag or anything, but I can't tell you the number of times I've been told that I should have my own show. I'm sure it'd get better reviews than a 61% on Rotten Tomatoes. Until that day comes, please enjoy the trailer below!

Photo credits: Thanks for Sharing

Ready for Anything

White collar pansy on top, serious down and dirty badass on bottom

In the not too distant future, I will perform oversight management at construction sites. As a safety precaution, all workers on site, including myself, must wear reinforced toe boots. Don't want anyone's little toe-sies getting injured. My supervisor, who is one of the most overly cautious people I know, prefers non steel-toed because apparently you can get electrocuted if you step on the wrong wire. Or something. But hey, rather be safe than sorry. 

After spending a considerable time googling reinforced toe boots, I came to realize that almost all are hideous. Most look like really ugly hiking boots. I was not having that. After careful research, I finally found high top desert storm-esque army boots online and knew they were to be mine. 

This morning I channeled my inner soldier - my mission: obtain said army boots, priority level: high. I promised myself I'd finally get these boots (my boss has been nagging me for weeks) or die trying. I therefore found myself in an army surplus store receiving strange looks from everyone inside. I guess they don't get many young ladies wearing fancy silk shirts and pale pink python boat shoes in there... Anyway, mission accomplished! Check. Me. The fluff. Outtttttttt! 

Gotta love a (wo)man in uniform

Oh and P.S., obviously I had to do a fashion show for everyone in the office once I returned. I think they all were really intimidated and impressed (especially Big D, his eye roll was just a cover up). Best part is, I get to expense these boots. Holla!