Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Who's up for a Swim?

"Where's the finish line??" ;)
Yesterday I visited one of my favorite "regular" buildings. It's my favorite for several reasons - it's ultra modern and chic, it's close to my office, and most importantly, the superintendent is an excellent source of entertainment. He's an unintentionally hilarious Irishman who more than lives up to the old stereotype in the cursing department (hey mom, if you think I drop the F bomb too much, you haven't heard fucking anything! Yeah, I know I'll pay for that later...). I've described him and his unique character in a previous post (see the paragraph above Albert Einstein). On this particular occasion, I inspected an apartment that was used as a professional art gallery. Above is a piece that was on display during my visit. It is called something like, "Speeding Sperm Spoons". The piece was straight-up made of spoons bent in the shape of sperm. Interested? You can buy this puppy for a cool 15 grand. 

The gallery also featured several pieces composed entirely of bottle caps (I was dumb and didn't take any pictures of these. Sorry, my B.).The bottle caps were mounted on metal sheets and arranged in large circles and/or stacked on top of one another. Nothing too fancy or elaborate, just very simple and minimalistic. These pieces were listed for between 10 and 18 thousand dollars. The super informed me that the owner had recently sold a large piece of cardboard that had been repeatedly stabbed with a pencil and painted solid black in the same price range. If I was into this kind of art, I'd probably just want to make it myself - you get to do the fun parts (ie stabbing!) and spend almost nothing. To each their own I suppose. 

...I've made bottle cap magnets before...Think it's time for a career change?

Photo credits: To check out these awesome Dia de los Muertos magnets, click here :)

Friday, January 25, 2013

Flower Friday

The next morning I also found the tiki beer cozy in my purse. Oops?
I am the unofficial party planner of my office. Coworkers count on me to schedule happy hour hang out seshes as well as find k00l bars. Being the high class bitch that I am, I refuse to go anywhere sans a decent cocktail menu. This past hump day, several colleagues and I patroned the Trailer Park Lounge, hoping to forget this bitter winter by sipping on some summery tiki cocktails. The next day I was describing the experience to my supervisor and told her about the awesome hibiscus flower that garnished my drink. Jokingly I said that maybe I'd wear it the following day. My supervisor loved the idea, so I turned the joke into reality - Friday would be Flower Friday and everyone would be required to incorporate flowers into their outfit, or else they'd be fired. Some (all) coworkers were not amused.  
I just wanted to turn my office into a bunch of sassy Chiquita Bananas! Werk it girl!
As expected, absolutely nobody except for me wore anything flower themed today. Regardless, I was pleasantly surprised that my supervisor bought a few bouquets of (fake) (lame!) flowers at the dollar store. Next week we're doing Flower Friday Part II, and I'll come to work bearing flowers for everybody. Get ready for fun :)

Photo credits: Chiquita Banana

Monday, January 21, 2013

Jews Gone Wild

Today I saw something that I never thought I would see. Never even imagined. Shit got real. Really real. 

In New York, it's not uncommon to come across a van full of Orthodox Jews spreading the good word about how awesome it is to be a Jew. I love when it's Hanukkah and they hand out free menorahs and doughnuts. I've seen the Mitzvah Mobile, or "Jew Canoe" as we say in my family, on more than several occasions over the years, especially since I've lived in two of Brooklyn's heavily Hassidic neighborhoods. 
Ask you annnyythinggg? Yeah, you're prob gonna regret that by the end of our conversation...
This is how us Jews keep it pimpin'
I've never seen more than a single mitzvah mobile at a time. Until today. This afternoon I was making my way back to the office, and legit saw about thirty vans and trailer trucks speeding up Sixth Avenue all adorned with this banner:
When I say speeding, I mean speeding. We're talking about the vans not even bothering to stop for red lights. They refused to close ranks for reds as they blasted celebratory Jewish music at top volume. Come on people, Moshiach is here! There's no time for red lights!! 

I was personally almost run over when attempting to legally cross the street (for once I wasn't even jaywalking) before I realized what was going on. I thought their message of "just add in goodness and kindness" was a tad ironic given that the group almost committed several hit-and-runs. To add to this madness,  five or six cop cars were following the unsanctioned parade, sirens wailing and all, trying to stop this major traffic violation. The Jewish crusaders weren't having it. They kept on going. Obviously if Moshiach is more important than red lights, he's most certainly more important than the measly popo! Duh!
Please enjoy this educational video. It's informational and highly entertaining!


(If anyone's wondering, I'm Jewish, so this post is 100% A-Okay and anything I say can't be considered racist, so there.  :p)

Photo credits:

Thursday, January 17, 2013

About Time

Finally! After almost two years as a mold inspector, I've finally visited the home of what I'd call a true "crazy cat lady". 
I aspire to be a combination of Eleanor Abernathy and Captain Horatio McCallister one day
The story is actually rather tragic, the woman is the soul heir to a multi-billion dollar fortune and I guess suffers from some sort of mental disorder. I googled her family – apparently her grandfather (?) gained notoriety during his life as an archetypal representation of a Robber Baron. He has been ranked as one of America's top ten richest men of all time as well as one of America's worst CEOs of all time. Sheesh! What a legacy. Okay history lesson over, back on track. The apartment owner was not present at the time of inspection, although her love of cats most certainly was. The apartment was a bit scary, I felt like I needed to burn my clothes afterwards, but below is a sampling of some of her fabulous knickknacks: 
"Mr. Whiskers, Butterscotch, Katy Purry! Let's get your party bonnets on in time for afternoon tea!"
An avid lover of all animals – no h8 for the dogz out there
Lipstick? Check. Push-up bra? Check. Cat hair? Check. Okay, let's go tear this town up.
Photo credits: The Simpsons

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Going Up?

Okay, so I haven't met any overly enthusiastic floor-counting Transylvanians per se, but it is uncanny how realistic the rest of this video clip is. No joke, EVERYONE in the superintendent/doorman/elevator operator/handyman biz is Albanian. And if they're not Albanian, they're Romanian. Pretty much all the same thing, right (I know a certain Albanian, excuse me, a Montenegrin,  who would stroke out if she heard that statement, but I'm gonna leave it)? At least they all end in -ania. To this day, I have not met an Albanian or Romanian (or Transylvanian) who didn't love to talk. ...And talk, and talk. I have shot the shit with more than one -anian superintendent for at least a solid half hour after a job  was finished. One guy learned I am Jewish, and subsequently recommended about five different documentaries about Albanians + Jews + the Holocaust. Another lamented with me over how much we both hate artificial chemicals and ingredients. A third shared with me his passion for antiques. It goes on...You get the drift, they are certainly an enthusiastic bunch!
Especially for blood :)
Photo credits: Sesame Street, Dracula

Stop, Drop, and Roll

Uh oh, Heather Graham! Breaking news: Bathroom candles spark blazing fire in Heather Graham's Manhattan penthouse. Guess who's been in that exact penthouse? And for that matter, that exact bathtub?? Mmhmm. Answer is me. Unfortunately I did not have a chance to take a candlelit bath during my visit. And very fortunately I did not set any fires either. I had no idea Zach Braff lived in the same building. I'm hoping that the sprinklers went off and caused a whole bunch of water damage  so that Heather's "people" will have to bring me back. Who knows, maybe I'll end up reenacting some Scrubs scenes with Zach and Heather!
Who's ready to play Doctor?
Photo Credits: Scrubs

Thursday, January 10, 2013

This Sure Beats My Mac's Photo Booth

Hey, random guy!
Let's take a trip down memory lane. Travel back to around 2006 when Facebook was just taking off. At one point or another, almost every Facebook "friend" posted a completely narcissistic solo photo album of themselves using their laptop's photo booth application. One of the more popular special effects was the thermal cam option. Guys, I need to call you out real quick and put your "thermal" photos to shame. 
"Yo, Taylor. I'm real happy for you, Imma let you finish, but The Mold Girl had one of the best thermal cams of all time!"
At my office, I am given the very special privilege of being the "Lord of the Thermographic Camera". That's a real job title, check my business card. And our thermal cam is a real thermal cam. Like costing over 1,000 bucks real. The gun allows me to see what's going on behind surfaces when I feel like my handheld moisture meter just isn't cutting it. Wet areas register as colder than those that are dry. Unfortunately I don't whip it out as often as I'd like (that's what he said!) because the camera is a lot heavier and bigger than my moisture meter, and I worry about breaking such an expensive piece of equipment. But you know what we do DO with the infrared gun? Have office photo shoots of course! Below is just a fraction of what we've done while "working". Enjoy!
Shockingly this coworker is Latina
How crazy is this -  when you take an infrared photograph of a window, the window reflects the heat radiating from your body and projects it back at you as an image. The reflected image is of course invisible to the human eye and is significantly blurrier. But way creepy/cool, right? That's an action shot reflection of me above. Or, bear with me, food for thought moment, maybe I'm performing a mold inspection in a parallel universe and I am the reflection?? 
How hot are you??

Photo credits:, MTV 

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Spooky, Scary

Many of you may ask, what could possibly be scarier than a Werewolf Bar Mitzvah? Admittedly not much. Although recently I came across an article that could give such a thing a run for it's money. As I hope you all know, severe weather storms have become increasingly common with recent climate change. According to *science*, the incidence of injury due to FLESH EATING FUNGI is on the rise. A common, usually harmless soil fungus known as Apophysomyces (do NOT google images of this) turns flesh eating and deadly when given the chance to enter the body through an open wound. A wound obtained and contaminated thanks to blunt force trauma in a tornado for instance. Oy vey!

Remember kids, a flesh-eating fungi is not a fun guy to have at your bar mitzvah. Stay safe in those storms people!

Ugh, I'm terrible.

Photo Credits: 30 Rock

Friday, January 4, 2013

Ask Moldy

I studied every rerun of Ask Ashley for advice-giving inspiration
Just wondering, anybody have any burning questions regarding the fascinating world of mold? The Mold Girl? Subway shenanigans? Mold related advice? Well feel free to ask them here! Email the Mold Girl at:, ask a question on the facebook page, or post a comment on the Mold Girl website! Even if it's completely unrelated, I'd be thrilled to respond to anything thrown my way...
...Especially situations involving this statement
Or this...
Photo credits: Anne Taintor, The Amanda Show

Give my Regards to Broadway

If you watched Glee, you'd get this reference
I cannot tell you how many aspiring actors/singers/musicians/dancers/artists/writers you meet in New York City (especially on OKCupid) all attempting to hit it big in the Big Apple. Countless talented (and "talented") people pour their hearts and souls into making their dreams become reality. Sadly only a very, very small dedicated and lucky few are able to make it. Except for me. Been there, done that, took some pictures, and I'm over it. Ladies and gentlemen, this mold girl has been on Broadway. No effort necessary. I guess you could say I've just got that pure, raw, je ne sais quoi talent about me. 
Kind of like Harvard Law, landing on Broadway is supposed to be hard or something?
Okay well to be a tad more realistic, I was on a Broadway stage, although the only person watching me was the building engineer Dino (what up, Dino!). Arriving at this assignment I was in a SUPER BAD MOOD. I was crazy busy at work, it was freezing, and I believe it was right before the Thanksgiving holiday. Additionally, I had imagined the theater to be some sort of off, off, off Broadway situation where you pay three bucks on a Sunday afternoon to see a depressingly horrible community improv show (I've unfortunately been there, done that too). Anywho, it turned out I was investigating the real deal. I hung out on stage, back stage, in the dressing rooms, in the lighting area, went inside the air handlers, and even was so lucky as to scale the scary as fuck roof (I'm sure you're all most envious of the last two). The theater's production posters hung in the dressing room corridor. Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, the guy from Fraiser who isn't Kelsey Grammar, and other familiar faces stood out at me. Inspecting the roof was particularly fun. To access the air intake unit, Dino and I had to climb up on a thin metal beam about 6 feet off the ground, and literally hug one another in order to open the intake access panel. Let's just say things got pretttttttttyyyy intimate (Dino, why haven't you called?!). 

Don't tell my boss, but afterward the theater manager gave me two free tickets to the show! Once there, he showed my friend and I into the VIP area for free wine, and came over to chat us up not once, but three times. Yeah, mold inspecting is kind of a big deal. I'm basically a B+ list celebrity. :p

You never know, I may even do car commercials in Japan ;)

Photo Credits: Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, Glee

Fashion + Eco-Friendly = Fabulous!

Hello all! I need to make a departure from the world of mold to share an exciting announcement for all the fashion lovers, business lovers, earth lovers, and plain ol' lovers out there! I am involved with a super fun sustainable business club that puts on fascinating events throughout the year. On THURSDAY JANUARY 17TH at 6:30 PM my club will be hosting a panel discussion called:

Sustainable Fashion: Timeless or Trendy?
(One guess as to who came up with that brilliant name)

The event will be a panel discussion followed by a boozy reception where you can network with the speakers, each other, and most importantly, me! The speakers are serious fashion VIPs. Trust me, you won't want to miss this (see list below). Additionally, up-and-coming eco-friendly designers will showcase their newest looks at the reception. You will find my fine self stuffing my face at the hors d'oeuvres table. The cost of this amazing experience is $25 for students(/poor young people) (let's just say a student ID is not required... ;) of course being an upright citizen I would never suggest that any of you lie... because I obviously would never even dream of paying the student price myself...) and you must register online ahead of time. Do that NOW by clicking HERE. The event will take place on the 23rd floor of Rockefeller Plaza

Speakers include:  


Christa Dowling, Global Cultural Advisor and Journalist, Author, Former Editor-in -Chief, Conde Nast/Vogue, Germany (whaaattttt, yeah we got Vogue involved. NBD, we're just that good)


Yael Aflalo, Founder and CEO, Reformation (designs from repurposed fabrics) (umm, hello super sexi lingerie)

Sass Brown, Acting Assistant Dean School of Art and Design, FIT, Author (a super smart professor from one of the country's best fashion schools? check!

Raz Godelnik, Adjunct Professor at CUNY, the New School, and University of Delaware;  Founder, Hemper Jeans, an eco-fashion jeans company using hemp (another smarty pants designer!

Gretchen Jones, Eco-Fashion Designer; Project Runway Season 8 Winner  (Project Runway winner?? Enough said!

Catherine Tyc, Filmmaker  (working on sustainable fashion documentary)  (who wants to see this with me opening night??


Fashion Alley: an exciting showcase of up and coming sustainable brands
Our illustratious panel of eco fashion innovators will discuss fashion’s negative environmental impact and new sustainable approaches to materials, production, recycling and toxic waste.

Gain insight into the challenges of designing eco- fashion and promoting it to mainstream fashionistas. How do you convince designers, manufacturers, retailers and consumers that eco-friendly fashion can also be chic and trendy?