One Man's Cardboard Box is Another Man's Treasure?

So I recently went back to this apartment/gallery space. A new collection is on display. Anyone interested in purchasing some artwork composed entirely of a square piece of cardboard painted either solid black or solid white? They're total bargains at only $4,500 a pop! 

I would really love to meet the artist behind this collection and discuss its inspiration. Also, I'd be particularly interested in learning how the artist manages to sell their art for such a price because I want in!

Don't Mind if I Do

I always am!

Growing up we're all (hopefully) taught not to talk to strangers, and that accepting food from them is absolutely out of the question. Life just isn't so in New York City. Regularly walking around any busy area at rush hour - Union Square, Madison Square Park, or Penn Station for example - will result in receiving some sort of free food product or other promotion at least once a week from one company or another. Among other things, I've personally received knock-off Ray Ban sunglasses from Pepsi, packets of Emergen-C, more bananas and granola bars than I can count from some church, and lipsticks from Cover Girl. Last summer Trojan caused quite a ruckus trying to give away free vibrators in the Flatiron. Today apparently Dove was giving out free cookies and cream chocolates. My coworker grabbed a huge pile of samples and so generously handed them out around the office. As any good chocoholic knows, Dove chocolates always come with some sort of unbearably cheesy "inspiration" inside the wrapper. Even though the messages are usually saccharinely sweet, I couldn't help but love the message inside my chocolate. If you can't read the picture above, it says, "Be the first to hit the dance floor". Way too perfect for the girl who constantly demonstrates Zumba moves in the office at 9 am. This Dove inspiration is now proudly taped to my cubicle wall. :)

Just saw The Great Gatsby (and before it hit theaters, yo!) and had to include a flapper dance pic

That's what I'm talking about

Photo credits: Green Park Inn

Street Spotting: Oh the Humanity

The advertisement on the side of the delivery truck pictured above almost caused a human pile-up during Midtown morning rush hour. While walking up Sixth Avenue at the tail end of my daily commute, I stopped in my tracks to do a double take at this truck. I had to verify that my peripheral vision was to be believed, and of course then take a picture once I had confirmation that my eyes were indeed working correctly.The whole incident resulted in causing four harried, sleep deprived people to run into me on that early Monday morning (sorry, my bad!). At least we now have proof - the king of class Ed Hardy has blessed the world with his own collection of wines. Intrigued and want to learn more? Good news! As any serious oenologist knows, a real website is not necessary to represent your brand, all you need is a solid Facebook page. The wine is described as:

Don Ed Hardy is known as "the godfather of modern tattoo" for his sophistication,  depth and sense of experimentation. A California native, Don Ed hardy is recognized around the world for his technical brilliance and mesmerizing imagery. Designer genius Chrisian Audigier has created a powerhouse lifestyle brand around the Ed Hardy images and now brings that brilliance to the palate of wine drinkers with a new line of wines from France adorned with the vibrant, rebellious images of the master tattoo artist.

Quick recap: Ed Hardy wine is for rEbElLiOu$ wine drinkers! No real information on the wines is actually provided... Well at least they're French, so they can't be bad, right?

I don't know how much faith we can put in the LA Times, although  the newspaper alleges that the guido-approved wine ain't half bad. (And apparently it's been around for a while? The article is dated 2009??)

All I know is that I don't even need to taste the Ed Hardy wine to know that it ain't got shit on the Hello Kitty wine that came out in 2010. Yes, of course I bought it. And yes, of course it was terrible. But look how cute it is!!!!!

Hello Kitty wine is the best shitty character wine ever, times a million, no comebacks. Take that, Ed Hardy 

Why am I not wherever this is??

Photo credits: Hello Kitty Wine, http://www.schemamag.ca/

Skating on Thin Ice

If you are elderly and cannot read the above sign, I will perform a mitzvah and help you out: "Employee of the Month: They're all on thin ice right now!"

Last night my coworkers and I went for a post-work happy hour hangout sesh at one of my favorite Chelsea bars. I cannot imagine a more perfect sign to describe the work ethic of my own office. Maybe I'll ask my supervisor if we can get one of these going...do I sense a crafternoon in my near future? I think so!

Who's up for a Swim?

"Where's the finish line??" ;)

Yesterday I visited one of my favorite "regular" buildings. It's my favorite for several reasons - it's ultra modern and chic, it's close to my office, and most importantly, the superintendent is an excellent source of entertainment. He's an unintentionally hilarious Irishman who more than lives up to the old stereotype in the cursing department (hey mom, if you think I drop the F bomb too much, you haven't heard fucking anything! Yeah, I know I'll pay for that later...). I've described him and his unique character in a previous post (see the paragraph above Albert Einstein). On this particular occasion, I inspected an apartment that was used as a professional art gallery. Above is a piece that was on display during my visit. It is called something like, "Speeding Sperm Spoons". The piece was straight-up made of spoons bent in the shape of sperm. Interested? You can buy this puppy for a cool 15 grand. 

The gallery also featured several pieces composed entirely of bottle caps (I was dumb and didn't take any pictures of these. Sorry, my B.).The bottle caps were mounted on metal sheets and arranged in large circles and/or stacked on top of one another. Nothing too fancy or elaborate, just very simple and minimalistic. These pieces were listed for between 10 and 18 thousand dollars. The super informed me that the owner had recently sold a large piece of cardboard that had been repeatedly stabbed with a pencil and painted solid black in the same price range. If I was into this kind of art, I'd probably just want to make it myself - you get to do the fun parts (ie stabbing!) and spend almost nothing. To each their own I suppose. 

...I've made bottle cap magnets before...Think it's time for a career change?

Photo credits: To check out these awesome Dia de los Muertos magnets, click here :)

A Dog's Life

A new business is about to open near my office. I took a picture. Notice the chic, post-modern exterior with the fancy wood paneling, few windows which seem to say "we're exclusive!", and classy stainless steel metal lettering. You may ask yourself, what is this? A high end Japanese restaurant? An new spa? A trendy hotel?

If you guessed a hotel, you are partially right. The business is a hotel. A dog hotel. Dogs only. No people.

Obviously I had to immediately Google the company. The hotel offers three levels of suites for luxury boarding, all of which include flat screen TVs. The "uber suite" includes "modern decor" and a queen sized bed. I don't even sleep in a queen sized bed! Here are some additional ammenities and services mentioned on the website:

Massage: Indulge your loved companion in a relaxing and rejuvenating full body massage

D-Wrap: A cleansing, detoxifying thermal wrap that returns your dogs body and fur to virtually a clean and healthy slate.

Classic Pawdicure:  Indulge in your favorite traditional pawdicure including a paw soak, massage, Nail trimming, buffed or polished to perfection. 

Custom doggie treadmills and personal training for dogs who need a little extra exercise.

Doesn't simply petting a dog count as a massage? Wish I could afford a pawdicure, personal trainer, or a D-wrap (whatever that is)!

I'm better than you

And the icing on the cake:

Too busy to drop your loved one off? The D-Chauffeur Service would be happy to pick up your dog from your home or office... We offer an array of vehicle choices from our standard D Pet Hotels pick-up to more luxurious options like a beautiful Southern California drive in a Ferrari 458, Lamborghini Gallardo, Bentley, Porsche or Rolls Royce.

With a FUR-rari and matching outfit like this, this dog must get all the bitchez!

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry that a hotel like this can exist, especially in this economy. How about I compromise with some slightly disturbing hysterical laughter?

Photo credits: Someecards, Brattypets.com

Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot

Anyone who's ever been in an older building in NYC knows one thing: you will NEVER be cold. We're talking a year-round temperature of 80-85 degrees. You think I'm joking. I'm not. The heating systems in these older buildings have only two settings--on and off. During the cooler months when the heat is on, the heat is seriously on. I've learned to never wear anything heavier than a long sleeve shirt in the winter. Summer is not much better. Forget central air, A/C in old buildings is all about the window units.

Is heavy panting sexy?

Earlier this spring I was inspired to buy some tulips at the farmer's market. They bloomed immediately due to my office's boiling temperature, but still looked gorgeous. I think displaying them proudly in the office blender really classed the joint up. N'est pas?

Vases are for elitists

Photo credits: dogidea.com

 

Have No Fear! The Mold Girl is Here!

Most of my inspections include private residences, although every once in a while I am hired to investigate an office. I recently stepped into a building and knew immediately I was somewhere cool. The walls of the chic, brightly lit office were covered with cartoon characters, ranging from comic book super heroes to Mario to anime. I found myself standing in the midst of a video game company (it was a learning video game company, not as cool as originally thought, but still). As I worked, two employees peppered me with questions about life as a mold inspector. They were fascinated by my job. Towards the end of our conversation, the man asked me for my card. I swear the guy wasn’t hitting on me—apparently the company is working on a science video game. HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO BE MADE INTO A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER!!!!! Even if it is just a learning video game. Whatevs. Hopefully the guy emails me. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one!

I imagine my character would be something like a combination of Quailman and Lara Croft

Photo credits: Nickelodeon, Doug, Square Enix, Lara Croft

Street Spotting: Story of My Life

Oh MNS Realty, how well you know me! I found this little gem on a telephone booth near my office. So very fitting.