Saturday, September 15, 2012

Mold Girl McBeal Part I

Hey guys, guess what! On Tuesday I received a letter alerting me that I had been served. Normally when hearing "yeah bitch, you've just been SERVED!", I think oh shit, somebody's surprise attacking me with divorce papers! Luckily for me, I'm not married. Suckers.

So apparently this mandatory summonings was to testify as an expert witness for a mold inspection I had done back in March. A tenant was suing her landlord and I was required for the defense. Apparently the lawyer thought there was no need to call and ask me to serve as a witness. The lawyer bypassed this considerate step and just served me out of the blue to appear at a court date three days later. Thanks! Here are the first few lines of the letter:
I love how they can't send me "greetings" as in plural. Only one "greeting" can be spared. Um, rude much? And who doesn't respond well when somebody starts a letter with "WE COMMAND YOU"?? Always makes me feel like extending a helping hand!

Personal slights aside, under normal circumstances my wardrobe barely passes for work appropriate. For example, Thursday's outfit involved these babies:
My excuse was that the metallic gold Rainbow Brite theme allows me to mold inspect faster
Just another day's standard work uniform. Multicolor stars included.
For court I thought I'd make an effort to look slightly more profesh to ensure that nobody would dare mess with me. Clearly I'm an expert in all things mold, but I needed to look as though I could be even the President's personal mold inspector [insert whatever dirty comment just popped into your head here]. Obvious choice for wardrobe inspiration? No hesitation — Ally McBeal. 
Dis bitch mean biznazz
Check it:
Unfortunately my own skirt suit with a waist high slit was at the cleaners. Had to make do with this über conservative getup.
Court was not quite as exciting as TV would suggest. I got there at 2 o'clock and sat around until 4:10 when court adjourns for the day. Apparently the judge didn't have time to hear me speak and I must appear again to give testimony on a future date. Très exciting right? I didn't realize witnesses weren't even allowed into the courtroom. Ugh, SUCH a waste of an outfit!  *SMH* 

I won't have another chance to have my day in court until early October. When asking my supervisor about the expert witness experience, he told me to be prepared "to be eaten alive" and "you'll probably cry". Cool, can't wait. At least by then I'll hopefully have my standard court suit with the waist-high slit ready. Stay tuned for part deux... 

Photo credits: Reebok, Rainbow Brite, Ally McBeal

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