An Overeager Assistant

NYC is a town known for its dog lovers. With approximately eight million people, the NYC Economic Development Corporation estimates that we share this space with roughly 600,000 dogs. Despite the large number of pet owners in New York, I find myself often disappointed as to how rarely I meet members of the canine genus during my investigations (I always assumed that the kind of people that get hysterical about mold are also the type that hate dirty, germ-y animals). Fortunately today was not such a day! This little guy, weighing in at a whopping three pounds of pure fluff, refused to leave me alone during a job in Bay Ridge. He'd bark incessantly the second I stopped paying him attention, and I was therefore "forced" to hold him in one arm during the entire inspection. I LOVE dogs and miss having one of my own. As a result I informed the owner at the end of my inspection that I had hired her dog as my new mold assistant and that he'd be coming home with me 'kay thanks bye! :)

The best part about my new assistant is that he's conveniently travel size! Easy to stuff in my mold backpack (KIDDING! Please do not call the Humane Society)

Let's get to WERQ!

Party Animals

The past couple weeks I have gone out drinking expecting nothing out of the ordinary, just your average mix of hipsters, bros, hipster bros, basic boring-os, and a sprinkling of normal people, but have ended up finding myself boozing alongside the most bizarre company.

Last weekend I went to a bar called Lucky Dog in Williamsburg. I assumed "Lucky Dog" was just a name. You know, I don't go to The Slaughtered Lamb thinking that I will find myself surrounded by actual lamb carcasses or The Wolf and Deer expecting to see the circle of life unfold before my eyes. Lucky for all things cute in the world, Lucky Dog isn't all talk and really does live up to its name. I have no idea how this is legal, but apparently Lucky Dog is a pet friendly drinking establishment. If I'm not mistaken, I believe they also serve food there too... The place was packed full not only with people, but with man's best friend as well. I was so jealous of my companion, who just so happened to be sitting next to an obese pug.  The dog was swagged out in a stylish little sweater and sat on a bar stool with his paws on the counter like he owned the place. He was even served a free shot of beer! Having witnessed this scene, I can now die a happy person.

Did anybody card this animal? He doesn't look 21 to me. The things looks will get you, I guess!

 Continuing on this animal theme, yesterday I found myself at a small dive bar in the East Village called Manitoba's. I don't really understand why, but I guess somebody who was friends with the bar tenders was trying to raise funds for some charity, so the bar tenders were going around asking patrons if they'd like to purchase a button for two dollars. The guy next to me whips out A LIVE CRUSTACEAN OUT OF NOWHERE and tries to barter it for a button. Do not ask me where on his person the man kept the aquatic animal, because I still am not sure. Just my luck to get stuck next to the lobster instead of the pug!

This isn't quite what I saw crawling around the bar, but it's as close as it's going to get. I legitimately have no idea what to even google. 

I was a bit bitter that the bar didn't at least bust out Under the Sea. That would have made the slightly disturbing scene more tolerable.

Photo credits: http://www.bsos.umd.edu

Spring has Sprung

Check out these gorgeous views of blossoming trees and distant Manhattan taken from the seventeenth floor of a Fort Greene apartment building. Now go out and enjoy this beautiful weather! :)

Subway Sightings: Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes

New Yorkers come across all sorts of people when riding the subway. Most are normal and keep to themselves or give a quick smile. Unfortunately subway passengers are sometimes forced to deal with a bit of commentary that we'd rather not hear. Frequently people take it upon themselves to proselytize the  "word of God". Jesus loves you! You are all sinners! The devil is a homosexual! One man seemed obsessed with the word "butts". WOMEN: YOU NEED TO COVER UP THE BUTTS. MEN: YOU NEED TO STOP STARING AT THE BUTTS. BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS. Ugh. Obviously somebody has some serious hangups regarding the booty region.

I guess that man could not be trusted!

Announcements unrelated to religion or the standard requests for food/money are much less common on the subway. One of the most unusual rants I've been exposed to falls within this miscellaneous category. The speaker was an attractive young woman dressed in stylish clothing. We were on the 4 train, although she could easily pass for your average L train rider. Nothing too weird about her. At least until she started talking. This woman informed us all that she makes body parts. Body parts. If I understood correctly, she makes them of people and for people. It was difficult to determine whether  it was a good thing or a bad thing to be her subject matter/inspiration. Sometimes she referred to the body parts in a spiritual way, "those who are enlightened, don't need to ask what it fucking means to 'make body parts'. Our souls have communicated and they already just know". Sometimes she spoke of them as some sort of voodoo curse, "I make body parts for fucking whoever does me wrong!". I think she liked the word "fuck". 

Is this what she meant? Because I'd love her to make me some body parts lollipops come Halloween.

Or maybe she was thinking more along the lines of this. Do you think she knows Inside Out Boy? I bet he likes body parts too. 

I loved the reactions of my fellow passengers. The girl next to me laughed, "Why did I just spend money going to the movies when I'm getting all this entertainment for free!". I especially liked one guy who got off at my stop, "It's poetry, man. Poetry". I thought that was a beautiful way to think about the situation. I mean it's better than what I was thinking. I was worried she'd whip out a knife and start demonstrating how she makes her body parts!

Photo credits: Spirit Halloween , Nickelodeon: Inside Out Boy, someecards, laughingsquid.com

Oh the Irony...

I've been a bit MIA recently because I unexpectedly needed to move out of my apartment in a hurry. The past few weeks I've been running around trying to find a new apartment, and then moving into said new apartment. I ended up finding a place in Crown Heights with some former college classmates. The apartment is far from ideal, although I really like my  roommies and it's still better than the serious health code violation I escaped from. 

Despite this, I was none too happy to discover this on the ceiling of my new closet:

MOLD

I'm praying this is from an old leak and that management simply never replaced the sheetrock... I'm not really into bringing my work home with me.

The Sun Better Come Out Tomorrow...

Anybody who lives in New York knows that the city has been miserable lately. The humidity is out of control, and it's that time of year again where the weather is one massive monsoon after another. For those of you who aren't familiar with New York life, traveling via public transportation wearing (semi)work appropriate clothing in 70+ percent humidity and major downpours in which an umbrella provides absolutely no protection, is not what I call a fun time. When work requires constant travel in said conditions, people in my line of vision better WATCH THE FUCK OUT. 

I'd rather relive Groundhog Day over and over again, than be drenched in another monsoon

In addition to the weather literally raining on my parade, work has been extra stressful. Lots of rain = lots of leaks/water damage = lots of mold jobs. Plus we're short staffed so I'm forced to answer the phone and do other random stuff more than usual. Long story short, it's been a baadddd week. 

She knows what I'm talking about

The universe must have felt my frustration and sent some good vibes my way. On Friday I was hired to do water testing at a daycare filled with a herd of 2-3 year olds. There is absolutely no better group of children than the 2-3 year age bracket. They're old enough to have mastered unsupervised trips to the toilet (thank God!) but young enough to have not yet learned the art of sassing. No trying to push your limits, no "my mom let's me eat ice cream for breakfast". Only happy acceptance of whatever you say and a borderline obsessive desire for hand holding. I had started work that morning looking and feeling worse than a Rat King (If you don't know what that is, that's probably a good thing. My coworker recently enlightened me with an explanation of the term. This knowledge has forever changed my life. In a bad way. Even thinking about it makes me severely nauseous. Just know that it's definitely not a desirable thing to look/feel like. Google it, if you dare). 

Anywho, back to the children! They were SO CUTE!!! At first they were shy and simply stared at me. Then I smiled and waved, and they smiled and waved back. Eventually one approached me, and without saying a word, she stretched out her arms and came over for a huge bear hug. That lead to about fifty more hugs from all the kids. With the week I'd been having, this job could not have been more necessary! :)

Insert Mold Girl here and you have the best group hug ever!

Photo Credits: anthonyjrapino.com, Barney & Friends

Neighborhood Watch: Prospect Lefferts Gardens

Try saying that three times fast! Besides having an awkward name, the neighborhood of Prospect Lefferts Gardens is located in Brooklyn, near the southeast corner of Prospect Park. According to Wikipedia, the first settlers (you know, other than the Native Americans) were a Dutch family that arrived in 1660. Wow, fun fact! Thanks Mold Girl! You're welcome. In our modern times, the neighborhood is largely populated by people of Caribbean heritage. Not far from my job site was a local treasure, a Caribbean bake shop known as Allan's Bakery. 

Hey Allan's!

My colleague Porkchop and I obviously had to go in. You can't visit a new neighborhood without sampling the local bakery. Or at least I can't. My mother would slap me for even thinking about skipping such a crucial "learning" opportunity. I asked the guy at the counter for suggestions and ended up getting fried cod with sauteed onions, a coconut roll, a current roll, and a large slice of bread pudding. All of it was fabulous. And cost only $8.75. C'est incroyable! Porkchop  purchased the same buns and fish, as well as a beef patty and banana soda. Shockingly the soda was pretty good--made in Trinidad without high fructose corn syrup. That means it's healthy, right?

0% real banana. Just the way I like it!

I swear I didn't eat all of it in one sitting...just most of it. There's a difference! 

Moral of this story: If you are ever in the Prospect Lefferts Gardens neighborhood, you now know where to fulfill all of your baked goods needs. So go, otherwise my mother will slap you!