Saturday, February 2, 2013

Neighborhood Watch: East Harlem

Last week I was scheduled to perform a mold inspection at a large building complex in East Harlem. Upon arrival, the management office called up a security guard to escort me to the sampling area. Below are three conversations discussed over the course of this inspection. Enjoy:

Security Guard: Hello, my name is [I forget...oops].
Mold Girl: Lovely to meet you! I am [my name].
We shake hands
SG: Wow, what a nice, strong handshake! 
MG: Haha, yeah, there's nothing worse than a limp handshake.
SG: Oh yes, I hate weak handshakes! Whenever somebody tries to give me a limp handshake, I just shoot the guy. Right then and there. Boom, just like that!
MG: ...Oh, wow. Ha, ha...
SG: Yeah, seriously! If I'm falling off a cliff and you have a weak handshake, I know you're not going to be able to save me! I weight 240 pounds easy, that ain't nothing to laugh at! I need to know you can hold on!
MG: Wow, yeah, I never thought of that...Good point!
And speaking of Obama...

I am doing the inspection and am writing down notes
SG: Oh you're left handed?
MG: Mmhmm, sure am! Are you?
SG: Oh yes. Lefties are the best!
MG: Yeah we're supposed to be more creative. And I believe four of the past five presidents were lefties too! ...Although unfortunately I think George Bush falls into that category...
SG: Ehh, there's a bad egg in every bunch. We'll just forget about him. So, Obama's a leftie!
MG: Yup and Bill Clinton.
SG: Awww yeah, Bill is a G. We should have a lefties party! You, me, Obama, and Billy C!
MG: Haha, great idea. Let's make Bill bring along his saxophone to really get the party started!
Left is Right!
As I finish up the inspection, we make our goodbyes...

I extend my hand for a handshake
SG: Oh no, you know how we do up in here! Let's hug it out!
SG opens his arms wide
MG: Uhhh, okay!
Epic hug ensues
In honor of Groundhog Day (happy Groundhog Day!), I will illustrate my hug with this scene from the 1993 classic movie. In this hug situation SG is Phil...
...And I'm Ned!
Despite my creepy description of this incident, the guy was actually very entertaining and funny (Mom, I swear he was totally harmless!) I enjoyed hanging out with him, I mean he kept things interesting to say the least. He even gave me a great recommendation for lunch - the local fish market with amazing $5 fried fish sandwiches. Who can say no to that? 
Major props to the Lenox Fish Market
Photo credits:, The Simpsons, Groundhog Day 

PS, Here's another great awkward hug picture :)

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