Feeling the Lurve

This past week I've really been feeling the love at the office! I have experienced, count 'em, three! instances of MG appreciation over the last couple of days. I guess people are finally starting to recognize my awesomeness and are treating me accordingly. Geesh, about time!

I have to make a confession. I have a mega crush on one of my company's lead inspectors. This coworker is a fifty-something year old guy with a rather colorful past. Let's just say he spent five years "on vacation" over at Rikers Island. We shall refer to him as Tony Montana. 

*Le sigh* I've always had a thing for bad boys

This guy truly has a heart of gold. I mean, one time he went to Katz's Delicatessen for lunch and brought me back the second half of his sandwich. Anyone with an once of sense knows it's a big effing deal to willingly share a Katz's pastrami on rye! Anyway, having seen my sorta flourish, sorta dying cactus garden, Tony brought me a new plant for my desk! Not only did he bring me a couple of bamboo stalks from his own garden, he brought a vase and decorative stones as well. Ugh, I just knew my bad boy had a softer side! And what a tasteful eye! 

Just like your struggling bamboo plant, I can nurse your heart back to health too, Tony! <3 

Like last Friday, today featured a pleasant surprise as well. I've mentioned before my coworker who works weekends as a professional baker (Seriously, visit her website! I'm not kidding, her stuff is so effing good, not to mention absolutely gorgeous! My future wedding cake will be made by this lady, no question!). Today I received quite the auspicious phone call at my desk asking if I' was going to be around this afternoon at 3 pm. I'm like, uhhh, yeah...? My coworker's response was a simple, "okay, bye!" followed by the sound of the dial tone. Well! This is what went down at 3 pm:

That would be a chocolate cake with layers of dulce de leche and peanut butter icing, topped with marshmallow meringue icing, chocolate chips, and mini marshmallows :)

Every once in a while she brings in goodies using left over batter and icing from other projects. As someone with a serious sugar addition and no sense of shame (don't laugh, addiction is a disease you guys), I am by far my office's most eager dessert-eater. I take my baked goods very seriously and do not give out the MG seal of approval easily. It therefore really says something when I say that I could never ask for a more awesome coworker :)

And last but not least, this morning I was pleasantly surprised to receive an email from one of our labs asking me to lunch. I've been officially asked out on a business lunch! Woohoo! The lab didn't ask my CEO or my office manager, or even my other coworker who uses them probably as often as I do. Serious VIP over here, and don't you forget it. Here's hoping it's not horribly awkward or whatever. Who am I kidding, I'll be there so of course it'll be painfully awkward! :)  

Awkward turtle

Photo credits: Scarface, http://thatplaceinmyhead.wordpress.com/

A Moldy Mystery

Oh. My. Effing. Gee. What a week. The past few days I have experienced one of the most bizarre inspections of my career as a mold inspector. Let's break it down day by day:

Tuesday

I receive a phone call from a hysterical pregnant woman living in the super chic neighborhood of TriBeCa. Privately I think to myself, here we go again, another psycho rich person with way too much money and time on their hands. It 's difficult understanding her description of the situation, I can't decide over the phone whether she actually has a legitimate mold problem from her strange description. She asks me several times if I can come by that day (I can come, but I'm really not in the mood. And more importantly I'd miss ice cream celebrating somebody's birthday at the office), so I say no hoping she would be calmer the next day. We finish the conversation with her asking, "Is it safe for my family to stay in the house? Or should I bring the kids to my sister's apartment?!?!?". My response, "Ummmmm, do you have another bathroom?... Okay, great. Just use that one... I don't think it's quite necessary for an emergency evacuation at the moment...". Yeah, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow's inspection .

Wednesday

I arrive at the apartment. Of course it's breathtakingly gorgeous and spacious. The resident (also gorgeous) leads me to the bathroom. For the first time ever, I truly empathize with a mold  freak out. The *thing* is just so weird, and for lack of a better word, icky. 

A growth had somehow come through the grout on her bathroom wall and had developed on the slate tile both inside and outside of the shower area. This was a nice apartment and was well maintained. Not your typical situation to find visible mold growth with no known water problem. 

I see the *thing* and reason why she had called my company for a mold inspection. At first glance I quickly come to the conclusion there is no way it can be mold. First of all, it doesn't look like mold. Mold grows and develops in a hundred different ways, colors, shapes, etc. but it usually looks something along of the lines of this: 

Small, ugly, dark, spotty dots. Yay mold!

In addition to appearing dissimilar from mold growth I typically observe, the resident said the *thing* developed FAST. According to her, nothing was visible in the bathroom on Monday, and she had watched the *thing* clearly develop and grow drastically bigger during the day on Tuesday. I have never experienced a situation in which mold grows this quickly. First of all, I RARELY ever even see visible mold growth. And when I do, it's usually because a leak situation was never properly remediated or a bathroom was left neglected. This bizarre material exploded in a matter of hours. Blech! 

Considering the speed of growth as well as the appearance, I think to myself that it has to be a chemical reaction between wet building materials. On rare occasions I've seen plaster bubble as a result of water damage. It looks gross and scary, but is not mold. 

NOT MOLD

In this case, the growth was bright yellow. Plaster is white. And it looked kind of rusty too. There were redish-brown drip stains coming from the growth. Grossly, the resident mentioned that the day prior during the development period, the growth was soaking wet. "You could scoop it up with a spoon". At my investigation, the wall is dry as is the growth.

Day Zero (resident's photo): Bright yellow, wet, icky, growing faster than the US economy

Approximately 24 hours later: lighter yellow, dried out, still icky 

Now here's the real twist in this mystery! As I mentioned, I thought there is no way that this thing could be biological. It just grew wayyy too fast and didn't look right. BUT! As I get all up in it to collect a sample for the lab, I expect the chunk will be light and fairly easy to collect. I think it will come off in the wall in one large foamy section. Nope. Wrong. I learn that the growth is very difficult to remove from the wall. It is extremely dense and is difficult to remove. It comes off only in small chunks. I'm a bit disturbed to realize that the interior is not yellow like the outside. It's brown on the inside. What's more, the sample disintegrates quickly into a grainy substance. It looks like I threw a handful of dirt into a bag. 

HOW DID THAT YELLOW FOAMY THING TURN INTO THIS?!?!?!?! I AM SO CONFUSED!!!

At this point, I kinda freak out a little bit myself. I change my mind and think that it MUST be biological. Why else would it be brown on the inside? And disintegrate like that if it wasn't?? Following the sample collection, I am a bit nauseated myself thinking about whatever I just touched and hoping it wasn't some toxic naturally occurring infestation of anthrax or something. 

The woman's superintendent does not stop exclaiming that he can''t believe I touched it. I was wearing gloves you know! He goes on and on about his days in the army and all of the biological and chemical weapons he had learned about. Not helpful. I am starting to wonder whether I should have put my respirator on the second I stepped foot in the bathroom...

Returning to the office I immediately call our laboratory for sample analysis suggestions. They have no idea what I'm describing over the phone. They say they'll take a look at the material and then decide how to test. Nobody in my office has ever heard of or seen such a thing. So, so effing gross. 

Thursday

The lab calls me. They had performed a simple test to determine whether the sample is biological in nature, so that it can be analyzed by the correct department. It turns out the sample IS biological. Ick. So it is a living organism... Great.

Friday

I eagerly await results this afternoon. I have never been so excited to receive lab results before. Stay tuned...

Photo credits: Dilbert

Mold Girl Appreciation Day

Hello friends! Today marks a momentous occasion, for today is my two year anniversary as a mold inspector! I'm not sure if I should be celebrating or curled up underneath my desk crying hysterically with a bottle of gin. Regardless, I will be accepting any and all gifts in the form of baked goods, Barnes & Noble gift cards, live animals, and/or alcohol. It's the least I deserve after spending countless hours keeping this city safe from the toxic black mold of death! Thank you, I await your congratulatory presents :)

This is my party face

Photo credits: Someecards, Jake's Dog House

Keeping It Real

As I described in my very first post ever!, my job provides my conscience with an internal conflict. Generally speaking, most mold inspections are pointless, people simply do not know how to properly handle a leak situation. The media particularly creates an atmosphere of fear with its focus on the TOXIC BLACK MOLD OF DEATH or whatever. But then again, if people DID understand how to properly handle moisture problems, I'd be out of a job. Conundrum!
Normally real estate management firms foot the bill for my mold inspections, although recently my company's sales manager had unwillingly talked an individual apartment renter into an inspection despite her hesitation to pay for such an expensive service. 

I view my company's sales manager and Randall from Monsters Inc. as basically the same person - very sneaky and calculating. Beware!

Upon arrival at the job, the woman showed me the area in question. I was rather confused as to why I was commissioned to perform an inspection. There had been a one-time leak in the space two years prior, and no signs of water damage were visible. Suddenly the woman broke down in in front of me, explaining that she had recently had a death in the family and now was suddenly responsible for a million new things and didn't know what to do. She asked me point blank if a mold inspection was necessary. 

"Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries"

Like Regina George (hopefully not *too* much like her!), I too am not unfamiliar with mental meltdowns. There have been a handful of times where it's been hard for me to keep my shit together both while at the office and in the field. I felt a strong connection with this woman and had a lot of empathy for her situation. After informing her that a mold inspection did not appear to be necessary and sharing a few easy mold tips, the resident invited me to enjoy tea and cake in her apartment. Instead of performing a lame mold test, we spent a lovely afternoon together talking about the environmental field. :)  

I have never turned down an invitation to a good tea party!

Speaking of Alice in Wonderland and tea parties, I just realized that today is my un-birthday! Is it your un-birthday too?? Oh my gosh, no way! Well I wish us all a very merry un-birthday! :)

Photo credits: Monsters Inc., Alice in Wonderland, Mean Girls

Ring Around the Rosie

Spoiler alert: Harold's got a secret stash of chocolate

Paging all children of the nineties! Anybody remember that episode of Hey Arnold where they get stuck in the subway and the whole train goes ape shit crazy? Ever since viewing that episode, there's always been a subconscious fear in the back of my mind of getting trapped in the subway. Of course hold-ups are a constant annoyance of riding the NYC MTA, but recently I had one of my scariest train experiences. Traveling underground (and under water!) between Manhattan and Brooklyn on the D train, the train lurched HARD. Every standing person, including myself, legitimately fell down as if we were in some accidental game of Ring Around the Rosie. Ashes, ashes. And we all fall down! Most people audibly gasped, a few screamed, and more than one person made the sign of the Cross. I was quite shocked and proud of myself - as somebody who manages to cause more food/drink mishaps than a drunk three year old, I was able to hold onto and not spill my full iced coffee! Thank god this scary moment did not escalate further into something worthy of a Lifetime movie! We survived with no further incident. The end. Good story, I know. 

Pocket full of posies...

Photo credits: americaslibrary.gov, Hey Arnold

One Man's Cardboard Box is Another Man's Treasure?

So I recently went back to this apartment/gallery space. A new collection is on display. Anyone interested in purchasing some artwork composed entirely of a square piece of cardboard painted either solid black or solid white? They're total bargains at only $4,500 a pop! 

I would really love to meet the artist behind this collection and discuss its inspiration. Also, I'd be particularly interested in learning how the artist manages to sell their art for such a price because I want in!

An Overeager Assistant

NYC is a town known for its dog lovers. With approximately eight million people, the NYC Economic Development Corporation estimates that we share this space with roughly 600,000 dogs. Despite the large number of pet owners in New York, I find myself often disappointed as to how rarely I meet members of the canine genus during my investigations (I always assumed that the kind of people that get hysterical about mold are also the type that hate dirty, germ-y animals). Fortunately today was not such a day! This little guy, weighing in at a whopping three pounds of pure fluff, refused to leave me alone during a job in Bay Ridge. He'd bark incessantly the second I stopped paying him attention, and I was therefore "forced" to hold him in one arm during the entire inspection. I LOVE dogs and miss having one of my own. As a result I informed the owner at the end of my inspection that I had hired her dog as my new mold assistant and that he'd be coming home with me 'kay thanks bye! :)

The best part about my new assistant is that he's conveniently travel size! Easy to stuff in my mold backpack (KIDDING! Please do not call the Humane Society)

Let's get to WERQ!

Sleeping Strangers

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, damnit!

I don't know about you, but I don't particularly welcome the idea of a random stranger poking around my apartment while I sleep. I'm not weird, am I? I don't know, I guess we all must have different comfort thresholds for this, because it appears some people are A-okay with strangers rifling through their homes without feeling concerned enough to open their eyes. I've performed at least two or three inspections in which residents were not fully conscious. One time it happened when I was relatively new to the mold game; I was involved with some legal HPD thing (NYC Department of Housing Preservation & Development) in a low income housing development. I inspected the room of some sleeping teenage boy, in the dark!, while an HPD official and the kid's mom waited outside in the living room... Like seriously, what the fuck are you doing? It's 11 am on a Wednesday! Get your ass up! So, so awkward.

Last Friday I found myself in another slightly uncomfortable sleeping situation, but at least this one was a million times more legitimate. I was up in Riverdale performing an inspection for an extremely old woman. I guess she had recently been in some sort of accident and was having trouble moving, in addition to other more long term ailments. The woman greeted me, but just didn't have the energy to stay awake during the inspection. Thankfully I was not the only conscious body in the apartment, I had her friendly housekeeper for company. Before the lady had drifted off, I learned that she was super cool and friendly, and had an amazing terrace garden with the most spectacular view of Manhattan. We compared notes on our gardening likes and dislikes (I love deserts and have been working on growing my own cactus/succulents garden). I didn't want to be a total creep and take a million pictures of her garden, but check out these shots from her terrace. What a view!

So much green!

'Sup Manhattan

Boom! A section of my very own BADASS cactus garden! :)

Photo credits: WAFF-48 News, The Bed Intruder Song, Antoine Dodson

Perigrinating to Poughkeepsie

Last week I received a request to do a mold investigation upstate in Poughkeepsie, New York. The journey involved a two hour train ride on Metro North's Hudson Line. The expedition was breathtakingly beautiful and relaxing. It had been so long since I had left the concrete jungle of NYC and I thoroughly enjoyed the air's clean and refreshing scent. Unfortunately my mold inspection was quite the opposite. Thank god the apartment's resident wasn't home during my investigation - the entire place wreaked worse than a dumpster you'd find behind an Arby's on a 90 degree summer's day. Not sure I have any desire to meet the person who chooses to keep their house in such condition... Anywho, below are some photos taken along the way. Enjoy!

Couldn't have asked for a more gorge day!

Necessary bridge shot

This looks like a scene from the Lord of the Rings. I kept hoping to catch sight of a hobbit or two.

Andddddd this is the sticker I found on a banana I ate today

Don't Mind if I Do

I always am!

Growing up we're all (hopefully) taught not to talk to strangers, and that accepting food from them is absolutely out of the question. Life just isn't so in New York City. Regularly walking around any busy area at rush hour - Union Square, Madison Square Park, or Penn Station for example - will result in receiving some sort of free food product or other promotion at least once a week from one company or another. Among other things, I've personally received knock-off Ray Ban sunglasses from Pepsi, packets of Emergen-C, more bananas and granola bars than I can count from some church, and lipsticks from Cover Girl. Last summer Trojan caused quite a ruckus trying to give away free vibrators in the Flatiron. Today apparently Dove was giving out free cookies and cream chocolates. My coworker grabbed a huge pile of samples and so generously handed them out around the office. As any good chocoholic knows, Dove chocolates always come with some sort of unbearably cheesy "inspiration" inside the wrapper. Even though the messages are usually saccharinely sweet, I couldn't help but love the message inside my chocolate. If you can't read the picture above, it says, "Be the first to hit the dance floor". Way too perfect for the girl who constantly demonstrates Zumba moves in the office at 9 am. This Dove inspiration is now proudly taped to my cubicle wall. :)

Just saw The Great Gatsby (and before it hit theaters, yo!) and had to include a flapper dance pic

That's what I'm talking about

Photo credits: Green Park Inn

Subway Sightings: Where There's Always an (un)Willing Audience

Fun facts time! The New York City MTA includes:

• 468 Stations
• 21 Subway Lines + 3 Shuttle Trains
• 6,311 Individual Subway Cars (the number per subway train varies depending on the line)

As I'm sure you all are eager for more fascinating subway facts, have fun clicking HERE!

Any New Yorker can attest that the MTA is an integral part of our lives - I personally spend at least two hours a day riding the subway. And that's if I don't have any scheduled mold jobs. This  leads us to today's blog post which is dedicated to #3 on Buzzfeed's most recent NYC-themed viral article, "23 Signs You've Been Living in New York City Too Long": the subway performers. 

Thank god there is an unwritten rule for subway performers, "performers", peddlers, and beggars to lay off the harassment during the daily rush hour commute (it's way too crowded for that shit anyway). Non-rush hour daytime and evening trips are a whole other story. You are guaranteed at least one interruption per ride, usually more. Mind you, this is in addition to all of the performers in the subway stations themselves. Union Square for example is consistently host to at least three separate but simultaneous shows. 468 stations, 21 subway lines, and 6,311 cars certainly provide ample opportunity for hustling the masses. 

I've cried on the subway and I've vomited (twice) on the subway. I've also witnessed pretty much anything and everything on the subway - banjo, rap, cello, saw, bucket, magic, recorder, and Motown a capella performances to name a few - ranging from horrible to incredible. After recent events, I can now add to my list that I've been kissed by a (possibly homeless) stranger on the subway.

Last week, while riding the 2 train downtown from Harlem, a man seated on an amp graced my subway car with an extra long performance (its duration was approximately six stops) on his electric guitar. He was a rather lively man, receiving more than the standard amount of attention from an unusually receptive crowd. After several songs, the singer specifically singled me out and dedicated his own modified version of The Temptations' "My Girl" to "white girl in the grey coat". Lyrics went a little something like this:

I've got sunshine on the 2 train.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My white girl (white girl, white girl)
Talkin' 'bout my college educated white girl with the grey coat and pony tail...

Then he added in a bit of free style about me. I randomly remember something involving Jamaicans... Anyway, his next song was prefaced with, "If anybody can guess who sings this song, I'mma gonna kiss that white girl over there". Guess what, somebody correctly named the song's artist. And guess what else, he was not kidding. I quickly slapped my hands over my face as the man approached. I was shaking my head and saying no, no, that's okay, you really don't have to do this... Butttt, he did. Thankfully it was just the quickest and lightest of pecks on the back of my hand. Fortunately he seemed relatively clean and un-diseased, but regardless, I took a long, steaming shower the second I got home. 

I've just got all the luck

I will now leave you with another Buzzfeed article that is equally true of la vie quotidienne in this one of a kind crazy city, "48 Things You'll Only See in New York City". 

Photo credits: Pokemon

Street Spotting: Oh the Humanity

The advertisement on the side of the delivery truck pictured above almost caused a human pile-up during Midtown morning rush hour. While walking up Sixth Avenue at the tail end of my daily commute, I stopped in my tracks to do a double take at this truck. I had to verify that my peripheral vision was to be believed, and of course then take a picture once I had confirmation that my eyes were indeed working correctly.The whole incident resulted in causing four harried, sleep deprived people to run into me on that early Monday morning (sorry, my bad!). At least we now have proof - the king of class Ed Hardy has blessed the world with his own collection of wines. Intrigued and want to learn more? Good news! As any serious oenologist knows, a real website is not necessary to represent your brand, all you need is a solid Facebook page. The wine is described as:

Don Ed Hardy is known as "the godfather of modern tattoo" for his sophistication,  depth and sense of experimentation. A California native, Don Ed hardy is recognized around the world for his technical brilliance and mesmerizing imagery. Designer genius Chrisian Audigier has created a powerhouse lifestyle brand around the Ed Hardy images and now brings that brilliance to the palate of wine drinkers with a new line of wines from France adorned with the vibrant, rebellious images of the master tattoo artist.

Quick recap: Ed Hardy wine is for rEbElLiOu$ wine drinkers! No real information on the wines is actually provided... Well at least they're French, so they can't be bad, right?

I don't know how much faith we can put in the LA Times, although  the newspaper alleges that the guido-approved wine ain't half bad. (And apparently it's been around for a while? The article is dated 2009??)

All I know is that I don't even need to taste the Ed Hardy wine to know that it ain't got shit on the Hello Kitty wine that came out in 2010. Yes, of course I bought it. And yes, of course it was terrible. But look how cute it is!!!!!

Hello Kitty wine is the best shitty character wine ever, times a million, no comebacks. Take that, Ed Hardy 

Why am I not wherever this is??

Photo credits: Hello Kitty Wine, http://www.schemamag.ca/

You Want to be Popular, Don't You??

It can be so hard to stick out from the crowd and stay on top of the newest, hottest trends. Lucky for you, Adventures of the Mold Girl is so on trend right now! Simply by liking The Adventures of the Mold Girl's Facebook page will show the world how truly cool you are with only the slightest amount of effort. 

The Facebook page will keep you up to date on all of the most recent Mold Girl postings. There, you can also find extra commentary and other content. Woohoo!

And remember, there is absolutely nothing more important than being popular. At least except for making sure the rest of the world knows it too.

"Thank you. By the way, do you know what existential means? Because today someone told me my writing was existential, so I thought I should coordinate, you know, with wardrobe." - Quinn Morgendorffer

Quinn is the ultimate humanitarian

Photo credits: Daria

Appurtenances

Appurtenance |əˈpərtn-əns|
noun (usu. appurtenances)
An accessory or other item associated with a particular activity or style of living: all the appurtenances of luxurious travel.
ORIGIN Middle English: from Old French apertenance, based on late Latin appertinere ‘belong to’ (see appertain).

A teal crushed velvet scrunchie is an excellent appurtenance to jazz up any outfit

Why did I just post the definition of "appurtenance" (other than to, you know, contribute to expanding society's vocabulary via a beloved reminiscence of the Word of the Day from third grade English class. Now, go use it in a sentence!)? Anyway, I was recently assigned to do a mold inspection of a building in downtown Manhattan in the midst of a large legal battle. My company had been given several documents outlining various problems with the property. Along with a lot of other bizarre terms and out of place references, the building owner had used the word "appurtenances" instead of "accessories" in one of the documents to describe a component of the building. I love a good two-dollar word as much as the next person, but something in the documents was throwing me off. People frequently ask me if I've ever seen any "really scary mold" situations. My response is always that the mold is never the scary part, it's the people. The use of the word "appurtenance" should have told me that this whole situation was only going to go downhill from there. 

The job was at an absolutely disgusting building, but came with an even more disgusting property manager. I can barely even go into the details because they're just too stupid, so I'll stick to the highlights reel. That day it was pouring, the weather and the streets were a mess. I arrived to the site twenty minutes late (which in my book doesn't even count as late) but from the way the guy reacted, you'd think I had showed up four hours late, drunk, and missing half my equipment. 

If only.

He showed me around the building for a half hour or so and repeatedly said things like, "I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but...", "I've been in this business a long time, so I know what I'm talking about", and "I've never seen a girl at a job site before". Okay Mr. Genius of the Universe, if you're so smart and perfect and prompt, oh, and a man, why don't you do the mold test yourself? You seem to clearly know what you're talking about. Obviously as a girl, it's much too complicated for me. *Eye. Roll.*

The building manager had set up an appointment with other people at the same time as my investigation. So of course as soon as they arrived, I was completely ignored so the real men could finally get down to business. Thank the lord! I could finally do my job in peace!

I normally don't wear a respirator on the job, most places I go are in very good shape. Unfortunately this building was so disgusting that I seriously considered burning my outfit afterward.

Technically the building had been a "family friendly" pizzeria. At least according to a sign that had been left behind

But apparently, the third floor had also been home to a secret brothel

If only the building manager had kept all his "tips" to himself!

Photo credits: Moulin Rouge, Futurama, riverfronttimes.com, The Simpsons

Party Animals

The past couple weeks I have gone out drinking expecting nothing out of the ordinary, just your average mix of hipsters, bros, hipster bros, basic boring-os, and a sprinkling of normal people, but have ended up finding myself boozing alongside the most bizarre company.

Last weekend I went to a bar called Lucky Dog in Williamsburg. I assumed "Lucky Dog" was just a name. You know, I don't go to The Slaughtered Lamb thinking that I will find myself surrounded by actual lamb carcasses or The Wolf and Deer expecting to see the circle of life unfold before my eyes. Lucky for all things cute in the world, Lucky Dog isn't all talk and really does live up to its name. I have no idea how this is legal, but apparently Lucky Dog is a pet friendly drinking establishment. If I'm not mistaken, I believe they also serve food there too... The place was packed full not only with people, but with man's best friend as well. I was so jealous of my companion, who just so happened to be sitting next to an obese pug.  The dog was swagged out in a stylish little sweater and sat on a bar stool with his paws on the counter like he owned the place. He was even served a free shot of beer! Having witnessed this scene, I can now die a happy person.

Did anybody card this animal? He doesn't look 21 to me. The things looks will get you, I guess!

 Continuing on this animal theme, yesterday I found myself at a small dive bar in the East Village called Manitoba's. I don't really understand why, but I guess somebody who was friends with the bar tenders was trying to raise funds for some charity, so the bar tenders were going around asking patrons if they'd like to purchase a button for two dollars. The guy next to me whips out A LIVE CRUSTACEAN OUT OF NOWHERE and tries to barter it for a button. Do not ask me where on his person the man kept the aquatic animal, because I still am not sure. Just my luck to get stuck next to the lobster instead of the pug!

This isn't quite what I saw crawling around the bar, but it's as close as it's going to get. I legitimately have no idea what to even google. 

I was a bit bitter that the bar didn't at least bust out Under the Sea. That would have made the slightly disturbing scene more tolerable.

Photo credits: http://www.bsos.umd.edu